sir, one more outburst and i will strangle you with my microphone wire

After careful consideration and a lot of complaining, I've decided to quit grad school. Why? Because taking online classes blow. I mean, I totally see why any normal person would love them: you can take notes, do assignments, and talk to your professor from the comfort of your bed. And, okay, some people taking face-to-face classes talk to their professors from the comfort of their own bed.

But none of that is for me. Especially the professor-in-my-bed part.

So I've decided to drop out of the library sciences program and pursue other endeavors. True that I have no idea what these other endeavors are just yet, but I'm going to pursue them, dammit. I do have some thoughts on what I'd like to do:

1 - Become a wedding planner.
I could do this job, and do it well. I'm terribly organized when it comes to work, and that's needed in this field. Plus, I work well with people, even crazy/bitchy/teary-eyed brides and their mothers who are even more crazy/bitchy/teary-eyed than their daughters. And I do my best thinking and working under extreme pressure. Why else do you think I waited until the night before to start a history paper?

Because you're really fucking lazy, Crystal, that's why.

Anyway, I could do this job, and do it well. Plus it would give me tons of experience for books, which leads me to number 2...

2 - Try to get a novel or fifty published and then turned into a movie.
I think I read somewhere that only 2% of novels get turned into movies. I don't know if this includes the made-for-TV movies they show on Lifetime or not. But, at this point in the game, i would totally settle for having Lifetime pick up the rights to my novel. I don't really know why they would want to, but who am I to stop them from paying me for it?

3 - Marry rich.
Hey, just because I admire Elizabeth Bennett marrying purely for love doesn't mean I have to have her same morals.

4a - Start playing the lottery.
This is Part One of a plan. And pretty self-explanatory. Let's continue.
4b - Win the lottery.
That Powerball jackpot gets up there sometimes. I just need to win it. I could totally survive on $80 million.

5 - Take my lottery winnings and pay for my books to be made into movies.
Ha!

If I do become a wedding planner, I'm making sure this guy gets hired for all the receptions:

Father of the Bride: Hey, buddy, I'm not paying you to share your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing.
Robbie: Well, I have a microphone, and you don't, SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!
- The Wedding Singer, starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. If you turn on your television set, it's probably on right now.