I'm trying to write a cover letter for a job application. Well, I should say I was trying to write a cover letter for a job application. Turns out I don't have a very long attention span.
At least the resume is done. Well, mostly done. Sort of. And I still need two more references, and to ask the other reference if I can use her as a reference. Did I mention that this job application closes October 4? Eep.
Gah, this thing is miserable to write. It's so narcissistic and nothing but a page full of bragging. And I don't do that well! You who know me know that my self-esteem is in the garbage underneath rotten banana peels and leftover Chinese food. And, yes, I know how to do this job I'm applying for well, really well. But to go on and on and rave about how well I know it? That makes me hate myself a little inside. I mean, I'm going to write it. I have to.
But I'm not going to like it.
But I will say that I DO like involuntarily being on Victoria's Secret's mailing list to get on the sweet deals they offer. Seriously, if you're a girl, it's not a bad idea to get on Victoria's Secret's mailing list. Or if you're a dude who wants to buy his gal some skimpy undies. Or if you're a dude who just likes to wear skimpy undies (hey, who am I to judge?). In the past two months, I've received two coupons for free undies from Victoria's Secret with no purchase necessary, not to mention rebates and other discounts.
No purchase necessary. Come on, you guys. That means "free", which translates into "awesome".
The most recent free pair of undies are thongs. I'm not a fan of thongs in general, but you can bet that I am not about to turn down free anything. Especially not a free pair of panties that normally cost $16. That's just madness - both parts, the thought of rejecting them and them being sixteen bucks.
During yesterday's excursion to the mall (where I spent $60 total 0n a pair of Levi jeans, a jacket, two button-up shirts, and nine tank tops; feel free to be impressed), I went in to redeem the free thong. The over-courteous sales lady pointed me in the direction of a table full of thongs. I picked the color I wanted and went to look for my size but, and this totally threw me, they were all marked one-size-fits-all.
One size fits all. This is underwear, not a fucking scarf, Victoria's Secret.
I'm still completely baffled by this because, honestly, there's no way those things are truly "one size fits all". I trust you've seen their mannequins in shop windows - a pair of undies that fits those things that look like no actual human woman is not going to "fit all". I got my free pair anyway, just to see if they would really fit... and because they were free.
Well, they do fit. But, really, they're not "one size fits all". I mean, they're not going to fit everyone. And, I don't know, but I feel like some angry woman who has just had the last shred of her self-esteem tap-danced on by looking through a recent issue of Vogue with its stick-like models that have been airbrushed to pieces could roll up into Victoria's Secret, buy a pair of these so-called 'one size fits all' undies and go home to find that they don't fit. And, in a fit of rage, she could probably sue for false advertising... or kill people, but I like to think that no one out there would go on a killing spree over underwear. That would just be ridiculous. And can you imagine the headlines? Angry Woman Gets Her Panties in a Twist ... What's Up Her Butt? ... Woman Gets Cheeky with a Shotgun ... Boxers or Bullets? ...
Shit. Now I want someone to sue Victoria's Secret just so I can see these headlines come to life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment