idk? my bff anne?

My dream to become BFFs with Anne Hathaway is one step closer to becoming a reality.

Jessica, who I'm going to New York with, has informed me that Anne Hathaway is performing in Twelfth Night at Shakespeare in the Park while we'll be in town.

I hate Shakespeare. I don't know if it's the fact that all of those plays got crammed down my throat in high school, or if it's because that Shakespeare gets all the credit for all those things that he didn't write or what, but Shakespeare in the Park is a staple of New York culture.

And I really want to be friends with Anne Hathaway. Plus, she was in The Princess Diaries with Robert Schwartzman and, if you guys have read at least two of my blog entries, then you know that my love for Robert Schwartzman is as deep as the Mariana Trench. I'm sure that Anne and Rob still keep in contact. I mean, they both seem like really nice people who would keep the other's number in their Blackberries (Is that how the plural of Blackberry devices is spelled? Or should it be 'Blackberrys'? I don't know if it's different for fruit versus phone). And, if she really was my BFF, she would cleary see that Rob and I should be together and would be like, "Crystal. Here's Rob's number. Please call him immediately. You are clearly his lobster. Go to him now."

Look at how cute we would be together!

I definitely didn't Photoshop my face onto some other person's body in that picture. I would never do such a pathetic thing. Again. For the fiftieth time. And put my face on people who have nicer hair than me.

And if, God forbid, Rob and I don't work out (how could we not? I mean, look at us! We're adorable together), then Anne would be like, "Don't worry, girl. I've worked with Chris Pine, Adrian Grenier, and Chris Pratt. They'd all be perfect for you." Then we would put together our best date outfits and borrow each others necklaces and earrings because I know that everyone, even Anne Hathaway, wants to borrow the naked angel earrings I got this weekend at a yard sale.

By the way, I'm really not this crazy. And, also, this blog entry has created the best image searches ever.

new york, i love you

I do not do well with feeling overwhelmed. Oh, I can handle anything thrown at me (in time and not always in a pleasant mood), but if I can get a handle on whatever is making me feel overwhelmed (and I usually can) then I'm good. I mean, I totally thrive on working on things at the very last minute... in fact, my best papers in college were written at the last minute...

... okay, fine, ALL of my college papers were written at the last minute, but I digress.

Actually, I digress even more, but I have to share that I just tried to turn the TV up using the volume control on my laptop. Needless to say, the TV volume stayed the same. Not that it matters that I can't hear the television. It's on Pride and Prejudice and it's not like I can't quote that movie from beginning to end anyway.

Right, back on track.

Once I start planning and breaking down all the things that make me overwhelmed, I'm usually incredibly excited to seeing it to completion. This is why I think that I would make an excellent wedding planner. I like organizing, being at least partly in control of things, and seeing a pretty end result.

That still isn't the point of this blog.

This is:

I've been scouring the internet and reading books about what to do and what to see and where to shop in New York. My head is spinning from all that there is to do there. And all the different parts of Manhattan to visit (the Village, Chinatown, SoHo, Little Italy, Tifanny [I realize Tiffany isn't necessarily it's own little town, but... it's Tiffany], and so on) and it's making me dizzy. This is why I have decided to make a list of the different 'hoods in New York and places to see/shop/eat there. If I get in full-on Monica Gellar mode, I might even cross-reference this list by making a list of of sights, restaurants, and stores and where they are located. Because I am a crazy person...

I should fit right in in New York.

sing a song

I keep thinking that if I ignore my Facebook invitation to my fifth year high school reunion, it will just go away after a few days like an annoying cough.

It's not the whole "I'm-getting-so-old-woe-is-me" thing, it's the "It's-only-been-five-years-give-me-some-time-to-accomplish-something-and-besides-I-don't-like-most-of-you-guys-I-graduated-with-anyway" thing. And the bulk of the people I graduated with that I actually do care about, are at Western. There's, like, five people I'd like to see outside of that. And a few of them are in the military so what are the odds that they'll be able to show up anyway?

Alright, so I'm a Negative Nancy. Sue me.

Meh. Enough of that. Onto more important things, like making a list of the best (read: my favorite) songs from movies.

1 - "Somebody to Love" - Anne Hathaway, featured in Ella Enchanted
Yes, this is a cover of the classic Queen hit. Yes, it's from a crappy movie. Yes, I own the movie and watch it occasionally. And yes, Anne Hathaway really does sing it. Not only that, she sings it well. Plus, this is one of my favorite Queen songs. Other favorites include "Bicycle Race" and "Bohemian Rhapsody", which brings me to song numero dos...

2 - "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen, featured in Wayne's World
I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure this is how I found out about Queen. And, really, is there a better way to learn about that band than from a movie based on a Saturday Night Live skit starring Mike Meyers before he became Austin Powers? The answer is no, there is no better way to discover Queen than through this outlet.

3 - All the music from the most recent Pride and Prejudice movie
I'm usually not into instrumental music. I crave lyrics, even if they are stupid (I'm looking at you, Tinted Windows and your song "Cha Cha"), but the soundtrack to Pride and Prejudice is just beautiful. Especially "Can't Slow Dawn" and "Georgiana". Go listen. Seriously, go now. I'll wait here patiently for you to return.

4 - "Top of the World" - The Juliana Theory, featured in the made-for-Disney-TV-movie, Motocrossed
This movie marks the very first time I ever heard The Juliana Theory. This song remains one of my favorite, and not just of The Juliana Theory's. This movie is also really cute. In an odd way. The more I think about it, the more disturbing it becomes, actually. Let's move on...

5 - "Catch a Falling Star" - Block, featured on Never Been Kissed
This song is also found in The Princess Diaries, but by a different artist (you know what else is found in The Princess Diaries? Robert Schwartzman!). This makes it my belief that this song is any movie that Garry Marshall has directed or been cast in. Have I mentioned that it's one of my dreams to become an actress and star in Garry Marshall directed film? Because it totally is one of my dreams.

6 - "Hold On" - Wilson Phillips, featured hysterically in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
If you haven't seen this, please go to YouTube immediately and watch the clip. You will laugh like a rabid hyena. And, if you don't, then you have no soul. You know what? I can't wait for you to go to YouTube:



...

You know what, I can't top that clip.

i sleep like a rock while dreaming about The Rock

One important thing to know about me:

I have the oddest dreams imaginable. Sigmund Freud wishes that he was alive just to psychoanalyze the dreams I have.

Last night is one for the record books, and that's saying something since I've had dreams where the word MMMBop was trying to chase me down, and another dream where Ben Kweller was trying to kill me. Of course, in that dream I was dating Andrew McMahon of Something Corporate and Jack's Mannequin so, while I was terrified of Ben Kweller killing me, I at least had Andrew to make me feel safe.

And, it all worked out okay in the end. Ben and Andrew ended up doing a concert together and, you know, Andrew McMahon loved me.

Last night's dream though? It was just peculiar. And I can't remember all of what happened, but Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson was definitely there and he kept offering to make dinner for me. And not just any dinner, mind you, but a heaping hot can of Campbell's Chunky soup.

Hey Freud, what do you think of them apples?

+


=

Not normal things to dream about at the same time. Or, in the case of the Campbell's Chunky soup, at all.

so many movies

There's a video store here called Tops n Video. Based on the name alone, I always assumed that they rented out smutty films to fifteen-year-old boys with fake IDs, and I had no need of ever going in there and thus avoided the place entirely.

Now, thank to Netflix, RedBox, and all the porn out there on the interwebs, Tops n Video is being forced to go out of business and write on their windows with chalk that 'everything must go' and 'DVDs: $5.99/3 for $15/10 for $40'.

Porn or no porn, I clearly had to go in there and see if I could find any sweet deals.

You know that 10 for $40 deal I mentioned? Yeah, I did that. Actually, I got nine movies, Hattie got the tenth one. Oh, but never fear, I went to Wal-Mart after that and bought He's Just Not That Into You since I have no fucking self-control.

So, what did I buy at Tops n Video?

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
American Pie
American Pie 2
Ocean's 13
Pocahontas
Anchorman (I'm not entirely sure that I don't already own this one)
Elf
Dirty Dancing
... and there's another movie. Gah, what was it? This is like trying to name all the seven dwarfs or all my grandpa's thirteen siblings; I always forget someone.

It'll come to me later, I'm sure. Like, when I get home and find the bag they're all tucked away in since I was too tuckered out spending money on buying them yesterday to put them in my DVD case properly.

I have two of those huge CD carrying cases that I have devoted just to DVDs. One holds TV series and the other movies, both are in alphabetical order and, in the case of the TV series and movie series, chronologically. I like to think that this is an intelligent, logical way to organize a collection and not a way of displaying my anal-retentive, slight-OPCD tendencies to the world. Some would beg to differ and call me ridiculous.

But it's not so ridiculous when you have no trouble finding Season 2, Disc 4 of Friends or Walk the Line, now is it?

Dick: I guess it looks as if you're reorganizing your records. What is this though? Chronological?
Rob: No...
Dick: Not alphabetical...
Rob: Nope...
Dick: What?
Rob: Autobiographical.
Dick: No fucking way.
- High Fidelity, one of those movies that's just as good as the book

heart movies.

After I didn't illegally download the song "Heart Songs" by Weezer the other night, I have realized how fantastic that song is. If you don't believe me, go buy the song off iTunes, Amazonmp3, etc and have a listen.

While listening to the song, which chronicles the music that Rivers Cuomo grew up on and the songs that are so close to his heart, I decided to make a little list of my own. Not with songs (that will probably be the next post), but with movies. I mean, this is a movie blog after all. Well, it sort of is... sometimes... when I'm not ranting about stupid stuff... or talking about my undying love for Isaac Hanson...

Now, without further ado, I present to you Crystal's Heart Movies:

1 - The Little Mermaid, 1989
You can deny all you want, but you know that you love this movie. Even if it, like another Disney movie that I love and may appear later on this list (by the way, I'm making this list up as I go), almost crosses the line into beastiality. I used to be all about this movie when I was a kid. I had the backpack, the sweatshirt, the shoes, and my mom even quilted an Ariel blanket for my cousin Sarah. My mom claims that she made one for me as well but I have no recollection of it. Now I'm not saying that my mother lied to me, her only child, her own flesh and blood, but I don't remember an Ariel blanket of my own.
ps. The remix of "Kiss the Girl" by Certified Bananas is made of win.
pps. Remember to look for the priest's "happiness" when he's marrying Eric and Ursela.


2 - The Goonies, 1985
I.Love.The.Goonies. Mouth is one of my favorite people. And this movie made me love Josh Brolin until he terrified the living hell out of me in Grindhouse. The Goonies is my mom and mine's 'go-to' movie. Rather, it was our 'go-to' movie until lightning came in on the TV at the house and made it immune to DVD players, that is.
For the win:
"You guys are crazy. There's a funny farm with your names written all over it. But I'm out of here. I... I smell ice cream."
- Chunk, another one of my favorite people



3 - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, 1989
I saw the beginning of this movie by accident many moons ago. I was with my grandma at the theaters to see a movie (I feel like it might have been The Little Mermaid, actually), and we went into the wrong theater where the cartoon beginning of this movie started. Realizing the error, we retreated and went into the proper theater. It turned out that this became one of my grandma's favorite movies. It's one of my favorites too, not only because of the line "We're going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fuckin'-Kaye', but because I remember all the times my grandma and I watched this movie together. And, yes, I watch this Christmas movie all year through. Ditto Home Alone. I also listen to Hanson's Christmas album occassionaly in May and September as well. I'm pretty sure I'm not okay.



4 - The Wedding Singer, 1998
Okay, do me a favor. Go to your television set and turn it to VH1. Chances are The Wedding Singer is playing right now. If it is, watch it. If it isn't, check back in a few hours; it should be on. The Wedding Singer really is a stupid movie. But it's a stupid movie that I love (see also: Twister, Titanic, and The 'Burbs). I'm pretty much content with life whenever there's an Adam Sandler or Drew Barrymore movie on. The Wedding Singer brings two of my favorites together for a hour of laughs and sing-a-longs because you know, just as well as I do that you yell out the lines "oh somebody kill me please/somebody kill me please/I'm on my knees/pretty pretty please kill me" right along with Robbie Hart. If you're shaking your head and saying 'No, Crystal, I don't do that', then you're lying, you liar.



5 - The Princess Diaries, 2001
Maybe it's my crush on Robert Schwartzman, my desire to be BFFs with Anne Hathaway, my wish to be in a Garry Marshall film, or my love for all things Meg Cabot, but I can pretty much watch The Princess Diaries anytime. And why not? It's an adorable movie. And, even though Mia's fifteen, I can totally relate to her:

"I'm still waiting for normal body parts to arrive!"
- HRH Mia Thermopolis

I highly recommend reading The Princess Diaries series as well. Because, for one, her dad isn't dead. They only killed him off for the movie so that Julie Andrews could play the part of Grandmere. And, because I'm a dorky Meg Cabot fan and have listened to her Romance Writers keynote speech, I know that the dad in The Princess Diaries books was based on her father who passed away. When Disney asked if they could kill of Mia's dad to enlarge the grandmother's role, Meg Cabot asked who the actress was. Upon learning that it was Julie Andrews, Meg Cabot replied, "Kill the dad!"

Yes, I know far too much about things that will never make me rich.



This concludes (what is probably) Part I of Crystal's Heart Movies. Stay tuned for more.

Oh, and because my love for Robert Schwartzman is as deep as the ocean:

when i was your age, television was called books

I took a break from reading The Princess Bride this weekend to watch the movie version. This is nothing out of the ordinary when it comes to me reading books that have been turned into movies. It's actually the reason I have yet to finish Emma. Whenever I start reading it, I'm like, "I want to watch Clueless", and then I go and watch Clueless. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I am desperately in love with Paul Rudd.

While watching The Princess Bride, I decided that, if people really must kill each other, then they should do it with swords. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally against murder and think that violence is stupid and solves absolutely nothing, but people are stupid and good at solving absolutely nothing. And, really, the whole thing is much more noble for the killer and the victim if they duke it out with swords rather than shooting out a car window or something. It's passion meets skill when it comes to fencing.

Of course, the only problem with bringing fencing back is that everybody and their mom will be using this line:

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."