MMMbooze.

There is a Hanson drinking game.

I don't know how this beauty of a game flew in under my radar because 1) I love Hanson, 2) I love booze, and 3) I'm fairly certain all my dreams would come true if the two were combined in some way.

Whatever the reason, I am glad to discover this gem of a game and fully intend on playing it as soon as possible.

Now, you have to be wondering, how do you play a Hanson drinking game, Crystal?

(Okay, you're probably not wondering, you probably don't even care, but I control the content that goes on this blog, stupid as it may be, so tough cookies, I'm telling you.)

Well, you need a few things.

1) Booze.
2) At least one other person because, hello, it's a game. And drinking alone is depressing, but playing a Hanson drinking game alone would probably end up in suicide over such a sad existence... which is why I'm really hoping Jessica, my Hanson-concert-partner-in-crime, is in town next weekend to play this ridiculous game. Otherwise, things ain't gonna end pretty for this blogger.
3) Hanson's 1997 home video, Tulsa, Tokyo, and the Middle of Nowhere. Which I own on VHS since I can't track down the DVD version of it, and is a large part of the reason I still own a VCR.


If the VHS box cover with its amazing graphics (which, really, are quite reminiscent of how my walls looked when I was eleven), here's one of the beauties of TTMON (oh, yeah, there are Hanson abbreviations out there... terrifying, isn't it?)



Now, the rules of this Hanson drinking game, which I swiped off the Hanson Livejournal community, are as follows:

-- Drink whenever Taylor sounds like a girl
-- Drink whenever Zac or Isaac do weird voices
-- Drink whenever Zac spazzes out
-- Drink whenever someone quotes the movie

I'm not entirely sure that anyone could make it through this movie alive while playing this game. Back in '97, Zac was one spazzy little motherfucker. And Isaac was a dork. And Taylor's voice was crack-a-lackin' like woah. Hello, alcohol poisoning.

happy birthday.

When I was 11 years old, I committed four dates to memory:

March 14
May 6
October 22
November 17

There are a select number of people who will know what these dates are. If they're like me, they have found it impossible to un-learn what these dates are.

March 14 - Taylor Hanson's birthday
May 6 - Hanson Day (in Tulsa, Oklahoma... a mere 3 days after my birthday, mind you)
October 22 - Zac Hanson's birthday
November 17 - Isaac Hanson's birthday

I know. This is way embarrassing to admit. What's even more sad is that I don't even know my own dad's birthday. I mean, I know it's in July and somewhere between the 23 and 25, but as far as knowing the actual date? Forget about it. But you can bet your sweet potato that, upon seeing today's date, a little light bulb went off in my head and I said (to myself), "Zac Hanson is 24 today... why do I remember this, and how in the fuck did I get to be almost 24?" ... because I track my own age by celebrities, obviously.

Even though I've always loved my Hanson boys, I'm still shocked to see that little Zac went from this:

To this:


See what happens when you stick with something? You get results... tall, pretty results that pump out good songs and put on one hell of a good concert. And they try to do good things. I am embarrassed to know so many random, stupid, pointless facts about these guys, but I don't regret it one little bit. Because they keep my inner eleven-year-old alive. Even though I'm almost 24, I can listen to Middle of Nowhere and be as giddy as a kid.

So, Happy Birthday Zac Hanson. Thanks for keeping me young.

why i hate the jonas brothers.

Whenever I make some snide comment about The Jonas Brothers (which is a rather frequent occurrence), I am always asked, "Why you be hatin' on The JoBro, bitch?".

Sadly, none of my friends actually talk like that, but the question, however grammatically incorrect and offensive, is still there.

Why do I hate The Jonas Brothers?

The answer is simple: It's payback time.

Since I was eleven years old, my taste in music hasn't mattered. It hasn't mattered because my favorite band is Hanson, and "oh, they sing "MMMBop", what do those long-haired girls know about music?"

I have been facing prejudice since I was a wee little lassie because of my brother band. You would think that I would see the dark road The Jonas Brothers are heading down and would have pity on them. Oh, they're popular right now with their TV show and concert specials on the Disney channel, but that's going to change once their targeted demographic hits about sixteen. The JoBros will essentially fall off the map. They'll probably release a few albums and a handful of singles that will go unnoticed, except by the fans who are still sticking around because, well, that first love never really fades, does it? The band will perform at small venues and state fairs and occasionally be brought up in conversation, but only as a joke.

The same has happened with Hanson. With every album release after their first, Hanson has cause nothing more than a murmur in the music world. Oh, the albums get good reviews in obscure rock magazines, but sales aren't phenomenal and... have you heard "Great Divide" on the radio? I didn't think so. Not that radio play means a lot since most radio stations just play crap these days anyway. By the general public, Hanson isn't respected. Which is just bullshit beyond belief. Did you know that they broke their contract with their record label in order to make the music that they wanted to make?

Do you see The Jonas Brothers cutting Mickey Mouse's apron strings anytime soon? Because I sure as hell don't. And that's why I hate the comparison between Hanson and The Jonas Brothers. Hanson is a stronger group. Maybe, in ten years, I'll respect The Jonas Brothers for being talented musicians.

Right now, though? Not so much. I really don't think that they have the stones to be good musicians. And, if they do have the stones, then you best believe Disney has them in a vice grip.

My other reason for hating The Jonas Brothers? Well, it's simple really. I only have room in my heart for one brother band.

Oh, and these lyrics don't do anything for me either:

"You got moves, I've got shoes, let's go dancing
Pop and lock, battle dance against Hanson
If we lose, all the girls, they'll be laughing
Where would we be, if we couldn't dream?"

Fuck you, Jonas Brothers. Listen to how a real band does it without dropping names in a stupid ass way:

tin pan south = amazing.

Isaac Hanson and I. Don't deny it, we would make an adorable couple. :)

you're my cha cha

After perusing through the lyrics from Tinted Windows' debut album (which is composed of guys from Cheap Trick, Fountains of Wayne, Smashing Pumpkins, and Hanson), it has become very apparent to me that Taylor Hanson has no part in the songwriting process of Hanson's good songs. Don't roll your eyes at that; they have good songs.

Now, don't get me wrong, the lyrics to Tinted Windows' songs sound like they're going to be fun, summertime catchy jams that will stay stuck in your head until the leaves turn orange in the fall. But don't expect to find any lyrical genius in the songs. If you're looking for fancy vocabulary and compelling lyrics, go listen to The Decemberists.

Hanson in Frank McKlusky, CI (this movie is made of suck, by the way)

"Kind of a Girl" by Tinted Windows, the first single (the guy at the beginning of this video reminds me of one of the aliens in Men in Black)