all the single ladies, put your hands up.

As much as I bitch and moan about being single, I'm starting to really appreciate my non-existent relationship status. So, while I sit here and listen to Hanson while devouring a Hershey's chocolate bar (the mysteries as to why I'm single? Solved, right there), I'm going to write out why I'm happy on my own, just so that when I get super PMS-y and sad, I can look back on this list and go "oh, yeah, that's why being single kicks ass.

Odds of me actually saying that are about as good as me not eating all this Hershey's bar.

Number 1. Shaving.
It has been eight days since I've shaved my legs. I know that's gross, but my little warped brain thinks that my extra leg hair is going to help keep me warm during these cold January days as I walk to work in the mornings. If I was with someone, I'd totally have to keep the leg hair under control. But as a single gal? Fuck it. It's just not worth it.

Number 2. My bed.
Sleeping diagonally across the bed is AMAZING. I discovered this New Year's Day when I fell asleep while watching the Looney Tunes marathon on Cartoon Network. Yes, I took a nap while watching cartoons; I am, essentially, a four-year-old. Now that I've discovered this new sleeping position, I'm having a hard time adjusting back to the normal way of sleeping which, for me, involves wrapping the blanket around me like a caterpillar does in its cocoon. But, trust me, I look nothing like a beautiful butterfly when I emerge from my blanket cocoon in the mornings.

Number 3. Boys.
I can look at boys and smile at them and drop all those subconscious body language techniques I've read about in Cosmo and not feel guilty about it. True that nothing happens with these boys (mostly because of Hanson and Hershey's), but, hey, it's not to dream and not be guilt-ridden.

Number 4. All those other reasons.
Okay, I'm struggling at this point and I don't want to use all those typical reasons why it's so great being single like "freedom to do what you want", which I think is bullshit. You should have your freedom because, really, not having freedom in a relationship? Yeah, that's called slavery. The only exception to this is if you're freeing things from your pants. That's called "cheating", and that is bullshit.

Having said all of that, if that cute boy with the nerdy glasses (that multiplied his cuteness by approximately a gazillion) from New Year's Eve ever asks me out, I'm not looking back.